Ownership. Take Ownership. These were the words which led to the spin. The spin in my head which led to the question. The question in my heart which led to the seeking. The seeking of God which led to the download. The download from God while watching Star Wars: The Force Awakens which led to my own awakening. The awakening which is leading me to freedom.
It is funny how God works sometimes. My counselor said those words, “I am going to need you to take ownership.” I wish you could feel the tenderness and love in which they were said. But it might just be for me in that moment. Because let me tell you, if I was not feeling known, loved and cared for first I would not have received those words well.
Sometimes a movie has the power to speak over my life in profound ways. Truth comes bursting out of the story straight to my heart and mind. Weeks, perhaps months, before I sat down with my whole family to see Star Wars I asked God about my anger. I asked him to show me anything I needed to see. One of the scriptures I was looking at over and over was Ephesians 4:26 which says,
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.”
With anger and ownership on my mind, God suddenly spoke loud and clear in the movie theater. I saw into the past when God said,
You have been playing into the enemy’s hands. When you let anger run rampant-you play with the devil. Even if it is legitimate anger, righteous anger.
God gave me a clear vision of my present,
You need to do what you know to do.
With hope and expectation.
This is a fight.
You need to fight for the good.
Evil wants to overtake you.
Evil wants to stop your potential and the potential in the people around you.
And God painted a picture of the future through an exchange between Finn and Rae. Rae had been captured by the dark side. In captivity she discovered power she didn’t realize she had. This was a picture of the Holy Spirit to me. I have access to God and his strength. I do not have to be stronger to conquer this anger that has held me. I can yield to who is in me. And then I will become strong.
“How did you get away?” -Finn
“I can’t explain it and you wouldn’t believe it.” -Rae
Right in the middle of the movie an honest prayer erupted,
Please redeem the years and each of our children for the years I was locked in anger. Restore what I gave away. Restore what was taken. Restore to their former glory. Restore me. Please God. Restore my heart. Restore my soul. It can only be you. I can not do it. I really want it. No matter what it takes.
I was not expecting a download from God that day during that movie. But I was seeking him in my confusion and mess because frankly I was desperate. I get a kick out of him and how he speaks and works. Isn’t God so creative?