Sometimes in life you find yourself trying to run up and down icy hills.
Snow has come to stay here in Chicagoland. It is so cold and grey here in the winter that soon after the first or second snow the grass disappears until spring. Running in fresh snow is one of my favorite things to do I realize now. I have lived in places with 4 seasons all my life. Winter has always been a part of my year, my rhythm. I will never forget one cold, snowy night in Northeast Ohio I happily cleared all the snow off my friend’s car during a winter storm. She looked at me in complete disbelief when I told her I love clearing snow off cars. There are some of us crazies who enjoy the cold and snow. Although I do have my limits. I will not talk about the last two winters here with the crazy negative 40 wind chill, I will keep that blocked from my memory. But I do have wonderful childhood memories of wandering around in the woods behind my house staring at the sparkle of snow covered trees against the backdrop of a bright blue sky. I could stay there for hours.
But today I found myself running on compacted, bumpy, icy snow. This is another thing altogether. This terrain forces you to look down at every step, choosing carefully so as not to twist an ankle or slip and fall. When going up or down it was so slick I was forced to walk at times and barely walk at that. I couldn’t help but consider the comparison to my life. I was feeling good enough to run fast, ok maybe not that fast, but fast for me ok. But the terrain limited my speed.
And right now because of the terrain of my life and heart I must slow down. At least as much as someone with six kids can! I must learn to navigate what I can not change. I must have God show me what is in my realm of choice and what is not. The anger I am contending with must be clarified. What is the good kind? What is the prison kind? Evil that will take me down. I am ready. I am tired of fighting the wrong fight. God assured me this slowing on the trail, this path to rest and recovery is ok. Even though I want to run as fast as I can I must slow down. He meets me in the slowing. I sensed a promise of strength coming. For now I slow and wait and I take in the sparkle of the snow and the blue of the sky I can see from here.
“I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” Psalm 118:13-14