16 degrees. Feels like 2 degrees. How badly do I want to run? How badly do I want perspective? How badly do I want to hear from God? Plus, I will warm up once I get going I remind myself. I start to run. I feel invigorated, like I haven’t been in a long time. Sure, the brisk air, the brilliant sunshine, and the beautiful trees breath life into my lungs and my soul as I take those steps. But it is more than those things. I feel invigorated because God has provided something, someone to help me move into the future. I like this, invigoration.
Truth be told, I haven’t been running much lately. Too tired. Too overwhelmed. Too overscheduled. Too little motivated. But today I am compelled to run, longing for God to meet me in that sacred place. I hope he will give me more perspective into what I currently face. He did just the other day. My friend, Tricia Lott Williford, author, blogger, speaker, shared how Starbucks became a safe place for her to write following a devastating loss. It was one of the places God met her in the middle of everything unfamiliar. As I ran the trails of VA, a local park, I thought, this is my Starbucks. Compelled to have God meet me in places of old pain.
I believe God is directing me to look back at the past, not to dwell or get bogged down but to heal more deeply, to be equipped to do what he has called me to do. This revelation was confirmed through a new relationship Dave and I have. For the past few months Dave and I have been meeting with a counselor. We realized recently our marriage relationship, due to the strain of the last five years, moving to a new state, Dave starting a new job, and adding twin boys, bumping us to be a family of 8 with about a thousand moving parts, was in need of some focus and care. Our counselor has given us perspective for reframing and tools for creating the intimacy and connection we desire. It might not sound sexy but it is amazing how the seemingly simple and sometimes obvious can spark beautifully deep connection.
From this safe place, I find myself ready to step foot into the dense forest of a past event. I do not know what to expect in this forest. But I am energized and confident as I look to the horizon. The addition of a trusted counselor is the very thing I needed to keep moving into the future of my life, not turning cold and distant, but staying warm as I take the next step. Even though the details and the path is unknown I am invigorated.
“The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.” Habakkuk 3:19